A few weeks ago I walked into my bedroom to find a stereo cable that had been chewed in half. My roommate claimed innocence, so I pointed the finger of blame at the next most likely culprit: Buddha Stalin.

I freaked. How was I, and how were my neighbors, going to appreciate unending choruses of "I want your love and I want your revenge..."

Laptop speakers just wouldn't do.

I decided enough was enough. First he forgets to pay the rent and now this?! A quick trip to the curb reminded that two-bit, contest-losing, pound puppy of where he came from. I said, "Buddha, you've taken a $27 Dell speaker system (upgrade, thank you) from me. Do you know how many hours in the pit it's gonna take to recoup these losses?! Actually, you know what? NEVERMIND. That stereo is irreplacable. It's a collector's item. I was planning on retiring soon..."

I eventually decided to forgive and forget. Eventually.

Still, guilt and forgiveness were not going to fix my stereo; that was something that only I could do. Because I am that awesome.

Voila!

No autographs, please!

Dear Reader(s),

Happy fall!

This was on the side of the road somewhere. My mom knew a shortcut back to Rochester that only managed to add a couple hours to our trip. Good times!

Powder Mills Park.
The use of these colors clearly represent man's eternal, fiery struggle against nature.

And this represents man's love of cricks.

We had some fun with the doggies too. We could only play "How hot is that oven?" for so long, and so we decided a bit of fresh air might offer a nice chance to let them cool down and become reacquainted with the outside world.

Look at this little killer, and don't let his floppy ears and oversized paws fool you. He's about as lovable as his owner.

Later we forced ourselves to take some family photos. Gotta love these dogs!

And Buddha, Stanley, and Lily look pretty nice too. Ba-Zing!!!!

Our harassment of animals was not limited to the dog kingdom.
We later skedaddled over to the humane society and had some fun with the goats.

It's a little known fact that goats love it when you grab their horns and pull from side to side. We know this because these are the same goats we grew up with as star campers in the humane society's summer camp program. We're that special. No joke.

And I just really like this picture.

Dear stalkers,

Now I know in the past I've been a bit guilty of embellishing and/or exaggerating the truth, as none of my friends have ever spent a night in jail.

Wait! I take that back; there was this one time that Biz decided she didn't want to eat her free-range organic eggs from Whole Foods... she wanted Old Mrs. Clackston to wear them.


Regardless, I'd like to share with you a true story that happened to me this past weekend when I took Buddha to the dog park.

I was taking my friend Kristen there for her very first visit. I had built up the experience to be a fun one, explaining that everyone was so nice, the dogs were so cute, and that it was just a fun, relaxing way to spend an hour.

We entered the small park and I threw Buddha's ball for him. He went and brought it back to me, dropping the toy at my feet. As an atypically large french bulldog began sniffing Buddha's ball, its owner ran towards us, scooped up her dog, and shot me a death stare.

"Is that a pit?" she vomited.
"Yes." I replied.
"Is it friendly?"
"Yea..."
"No issues?"
"Not usually..."
"Not usually means there have been issues in the past!!"

And with that, she marched off.

Kristen turned to me, "What just happened?"
"Welcome to the dog park!"

A few weekends ago a some strangers and I departed for the land of early bird specials, traffic lights, and the elderly. We also went to Florida!


I found the air, the ocean, the nature to be intoxicating.

But Katy K needed some help feelin the buzz and wasted no time in sniffing out the alcohol.

"Ror, could you do me a solid and scare me up a glass of wine?"
"It's 10 am."
"Yea... I'll take mine in a Big Gulp."

We enjoyed some creative toasts, which are not blog appropriate, but let's just say they involved a lot of four letter words that would've gotten us into some real hell at service. Also, they generally made little sense except that they all began with the same letter. Alliteration is fun!

In an effort to be as lethargic as possible we developed a fool proof plan to minimize physical exertion, intellectual stimulation, and general personal betterment.


Did you know The Golden Girls is on the Hallmark channel pretty much all day every day? This took up a lot of our time. We also began watching The Jacksons: An American Dream, a 15 part miniseries from 1992 which fills late night time slots on VH1 Classic. We didn't get very far.

After a few dozen episodes of The Girls, or scenes of Joe Jackson emotionally abusing his family, we'd saunter over to the pool, where we'd swim for about ten minutes, being loud and overall disturbing to the locale's more conservative establishment.

"I hate Barack Obama!"
"NO DIVING!"

Katy and Paul'd dry off in the sun, with Biz and me in the shade, where we'd read liberal propoganda/fall asleep.

Hours later we'd awake, and feeling restless, we'd eat. Biz made us a fabulous ice cream pie. You buy a cookie crust at the grocery store, fill it with ice cream, top it with m&ms and chocolate sauce, stick it in the freezer, and eat it. What fun!

Paul, ever the healthfreak, made us a salad with mangos. It didn't last long, mostly because Katy dumped it out.

We also tried to hold ourselves to Katy K's mission of meeting some strangers to show us around.

We're thinking we need to work on our people skills.

We had to make our own fun, and one night we decided to go native and had ourselves a Golden Girls Dinner Spectacular.

It involved eating a lot of ice cream pie.

We also went to the Sea Turtle Hospital but someone named Katy didn't have a good time because it was too hot. Yea, I guess it woulda been nice had someone thought of air conditioning. It's not like these turtles are dying- it's not like their illness, waning populations, and loss of habitat is a result of human activity, pollution, and warming oceans. But yea, let's just air condition the outdoors from now on, because it was like 90 degrees that day.

UNBELIEVABLE!

She was so angry she took this little toad I had saved from the parking lot (I named him Toady and everything!) and threw him out the window. I'm crossing my fingers he was able to hop away from it all...

But deep down I think we all know what happened to Toady. He probably died. And I think this rainbow wasn't just any rainbow, it was Toady's rainbow, just like the one at the end of ET when the spacefhip flies away. I must say, it was a pretty slammin rainbow.

The End.

Sarah Jane, having decided that Cleveland just wasn't her style, chose to come back to New York. Well, for a week anyway. She had some big news to share: she's married!

Oh wait.

Right, it's the other big one- she's preggers! YAAAY, SJ!

We couldn't get enough of her peanut butter fudge, oreo cookie crust pie. The homemade lasagna was also a huge hit.

And sweet Katy K took it upon herself to bake some homemade chocolate chip cookies! Don't they look awesome?


Katy K celebrated having people over the best way she knew how... with a lot of red wine.

This picture features an intimate recounting of the story of her goiter, which was born last summer. The two "grew" quite close, but had to call it quits when the lump threatened to give birth to her twin.

We all know it never would have worked, because then Katy K and her evil twin would have had to fight to the death over who got to keep Jose.

Regardz reunion. Awwww, so long ago.


Also, Sarah Jane likes to dance at her dinner parties, but she has historically refused to let me video tape them. Oh well. I does what I wants!

We finished the evening with a bang- because there's nothing wilder than watching ballet videos on youtube!!!